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- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-* I N S A N I T Y
- Release v5.5 - STANDARD Revision
- Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)
- "DOOM: Where the sanest place... is behind a trigger."
- "DOOM: Such mayhem the likes of which have never
- been witnessed in this particular dimension!"
- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
- ============
- INTRODUCTION
- ============
-
- DOOM iNsAnItY started as a small joke in the first "Official" DOOM
- FAQ v1.0. It slowly grew, and by v5.0 of the FAQ, it was almost 20% of
- 100k FAQ! I finally decided to release it as a seperate file. This will
- probably be the last release of DOOM iNsAnItY, so enjoy it while you can!
-
- =================
- TABLE OF CONTENTS
- =================
-
- [1] Comedy
- [1-1] A word from Douglas J. Bottoms
- [1-2] DOOM: The Real Thing
- [1-3] Beta-Tester's Joystick Sliced Off While Sleeping
- at Computer!
- [1-4] The Night Before DOOM
- [1-5] You know you have been playing DOOM too long when...
- [1-6] DOOM: Opening a door to hell
- [2] Top Ten Lists
- [2-1] Top Ten Things To Do While Waiting for DOOM
- [2-2] Top Ten Things To Do Until DOOM Arrives
- [2-3] Top Ten Things Being Removed From DOOM During Delay
- [2-4] Top Ten Reasons DOOM Was Delayed
- [2-5] Top Twenty Comments Made After DOOM's Release
- [3] DOOM R.E.M.
- [3-1] Pixelated Demons
- [3-2] The Mythical Beta Releases
- [3-3] You Don't Take MasterCard?!
-
- -------------------
- CHAPTER [1]: Comedy
- -------------------
-
- This is the chapter of DOOM iNsAnItY where free-form comedy
- is written.
-
- [1-1]: A word from Douglas J. Bottoms
- =====================================
- FOREWORD: Here's the first addition to DOOM iNsAnItY!
- This was posted on comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Thursday,
- October 21, 1993. He speaks on a new game idea: id programmers
- as bad guys in DOOM.
-
- ----------
- Subject: NEW GAME! id programmers as bad guys in DOOM!
- From: Douglas J. Bottoms <DBottoms@Lilly.Com>
- Date: Thu Oct 21 10:00:02 1993
-
- That's it!! I new twist on the game!!! The DOOM good guys are idle
- gaming buffs who have finally cracked and can no longer wait for the
- release of the only game that will make ALL OTHER games seem like PONG!
- Blind Wolfenstein will no longer simmer the anger! They go slap-happy and
- grab their multidimensional boots and gloves (with snazzy smooth shading)
- and go to the id programmers' dungeon/lair. It will be a slaughter!
- Pixilated programmers, peeved project leaders, panting personnel...the
- works. The big bosses could be just that, the big bosses, especially the
- one who just made a press release that DOOM would be delayed another few
- months (this is make believe, of course - (squint) you aren't going to
- delay the release (pant, pant); look into my eyes (o)(o) (imagine
- reversing sound) and repeat after me, "I must release DOOM soon. I must
- program, eat, sleep day and night." Mu who ha ha ha!).
-
- Excuse my sanity. I get a bit zany when I get thinking about the soon to
- be released game that will resolve the U.S.' Deficit and save the rats
- from being beheaded on the space shuttle. I see the sun raising...
-
- The thoughts expressed here are entirely my own and do not necessarily
- reflect the thoughts of any other individual or group affiliated with Eli
- Lilly and Company.
- ----------
-
- [1-2]: DOOM: The Real Thing
- ===========================
- FOREWORD: This messages was posted from gills@qucdn.queensu.ca on
- Usenet in the group comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Monday,
- November 15, 1993. He has a new idea: playing DOOM in REAL LIFE!
-
- ----------
- Howdy,
-
- Yes, like all you DOOM fans I have been eagerly awaiting the release
- date for this landmark game. Although I was very disappointed in the
- release date being bumped up from 3rd quarter '93 to Dec 10, I limited my
- anger and frustration to strangling my neighbour's cat (didn't like it much
- anyways.... ;) ).
-
- But, NOW I'm forced to read all the great stuff about the Beta
- release that some people have been lucky enough to get their hands on.
- ....well, not FORCED to read it, but I can't help absorbing every bit of
- information I can possibly locate. :)
-
- I can't handle the fact that some people have tried the game now,
- and I haven't, so I thought I might pull out my brass knuckles and 12 gauge
- pump shotgun and start up a *REAL* DOOM game. I figured that I, and 3 other
- frustrated DOOM awaiters, could meet up at an abandoned warehouse or
- something and have a rip snortin' Death Match of our own. We could throw
- some shotgun shells and ammo boxes randomly around the place, along with
- some first-aid kits (fine for light grazes from perhaps a .22 calibre round
- but not much good for a 12 gauge belly wound :) ) - then we go at it !!!
-
- Granted, there won't be any monsters in this place, like there are
- in DOOM, but I do have a pretty ugly cousin I could trick into coming; and
- with a quick dunk in some gray paint I'm convinced he could bear a passable
- resemblance to a gargoyle <G>.
-
- So ....any takers? Heh, heh, heh.
-
- Note: This a JOKE, only a joke....that's J-O-K-E..as in, I'm not serious.
- If you are a certified nut-bar who would like to really try this out
- don't bother calling me up....I get faint from tension just playing
- Paintball :)
-
- But, seriously...I CAN wait until Dec 10 to play DOOM but it's
- getting pretty tense doing the waiting game. I guess in the mean time I can
- go pick up some Depends (adult diapers) and some I.V. supplies so I'll be
- prepared on Dec 10 to stay on the computer playing DOOM steadily until I
- collapse from exhaustion.
- Of course if a copy of Beta-DOOM *DID* happen to make it's way to
- me, I would still download the shareware version and register/pay for the
- full release.
- I swear I would....really...I promise....scout's honor...anyone?..anyone?
-
- OK, so sue me, I had to ask. :)
-
- P.S. If this game is good as it's suppose to be, I'm gonna name my first
- born child "ID".... IDDY?...IDarina?...IDI-Sue?....
- ----------
-
- [1-3]: Beta-Tester's Joystick Sliced Off While Sleeping at Computer!
- ====================================================================
- FOREWORD: I received this piece of hilarious E-mail from
- John Romero. This was written by Douglas Howell (one of the DOOM
- Beta-testers) when id decided to axe the entire Beta-tester list and start
- from scratch. Douglas Howell will be reinstated as a Beta-tester, as
- soon as his "joystick" heals. :) Let the Bobbitt saga continue!
-
- ----------
- NEWSFLASH: Beta tester's joystick sliced off while sleeping
- at computer!
-
- At a news conference today, a beta tester of software said that he had
- fallen asleep while testing a game for id Software, developers of the
- best-seliing game Wolfenstein 3D. Awaking in the middle of the night,
- he looked down and to his horror discovered that three-fourths of his
- joystick had been sliced cleanly off. When questioned, id Software
- admitted to doing the deed and charged that the beta tester was a
- two-timer. Id spokesman Shawn Green stated-- "What was done had to be
- done. Id was definitely not satisfied by this guy's performance. All he
- cared about was taking software and sticking it into other people's hard
- drives!".
-
- The severed joystick was later found by police on a street corner.
- Apparently id had fled the scene with the sliced piece still in hand and
- tossed it out a car window. Surgeons have since sewn the stick back on,
- but it seems to malfunction whenever playing id's beta software.
- Doctors predict that the joystick should perform normally again by
- December 10th.
- ----------
-
- [1-4]: The Night Before DOOM
- ============================
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- T H E N I G H T B E F O R E *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-*
- Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)
- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
- `Twas the night before DOOM,
- and all through the house,
- I had set up my multi-playing networks,
- each with a mouse.
- The networks were strung,
- with extra special care
- in hopes that DOOM,
- soon would be there.
- The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
- while visions of demons danced through their heads.
- And my computer's processor it was so quick,
- boy was I glad I bought that 486.
- When out on the Internet there was a Usenet posting,
- I dialed right in to see what it was boasting.
- Off to the news reader I flew like a hound,
- "Oh no," I cried! The news reader was down!
- Frustrated, bewildered, feeling really low,
- I leaned back to see what I heard out the window.
- When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
- but a group of 6 cars, driving 60 I fear!
- With a big young driver, just look at him go!
- I knew in a moment, it must be John Romero!
- Over the speed limit, his band of cars came,
- And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
- "Now, Jay! Now, John!
- Now, Dave and Kevin!
- On, Adrian! On, Sandy!
- On, Shawn and Robert!"
- To the top of the driveway!
- Don't hit that wall!
- Now stop your car, stop your car, stop your car all!
- Leaving the car, he entered the house,
- Walking quietly, so as to not wake the spouse.
- He was dressed in a T-shirt, and a a pair of jeans too,
- I was unsure of what he was going to do.
- Boxes of DOOM he had flung on his back,
- and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
- Those boxes - how they sparkled! The shrink-wrap so tight!
- The character was drawn on the front, just ready to fight!
- The Chain Saw and Shotgun he held in his hand,
- Where was the BFG9000?: The best gun in the land.
- And then I saw it, strapped to his back,
- Along with a copy of the "Official" DOOM FAQ!
- A wink of John's eye and a twist of his head,
- Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
- He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
- Installed it on the network, then turned with a jerk.
- And placing a hand into his jeans,
- out came his keys - oh how they gleamed!
- He sprang to his car, to the id team gave a whistle,
- and away they all drove, like DOOM's launching of a missile.
- But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
- "DEMONS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A HELLISH NIGHT!"
-
- [1-5]: You know you have been playing DOOM too long when...
- ===========================================================
-
- DOOM is a great game! But don't let it take over your life! :)
- This was written by Philip Verdieck (phil@sonosam.wisdom.bubble.org).
-
- You know you have been playing DOOM too long when...
-
- ...going to sleep you open the bedroom's door and instead of turning
- lights on you fire a missile into the room.
-
- ...you sleep with a chainsaw under your pillow,and justify it with 'you
- never know what lurks in the dark'.
-
- ...going into a room or getting off an elevator, you run in and out
- quickly to see what follows you out.
-
- ...you don't worry so much about getting hurt, since you'll probably pick
- up one of those blue spheres somewhere.
-
- ...watching someone come out of an elevator makes your mouse finger twitch.
-
- ...the dog growls and you dive over the couch while
- reaching for a shotgun.
-
- ...you start side-stepping into rooms.
-
- ...you push on a wall as you walk down the hall looking for secret
- entrances.
-
- ...you rush for a neon-blue down vest in K-Mart.
-
- ...you reach for your chainsaw when your wife's cold
- gives her the sniffles.
-
- ...you search for a radiation suit before going into
- a swimming pool.
-
- ...you instinctively target trash cans while walking
- around campus/work.
-
- ...you look for sniper spots above you when getting in an elevator.
-
- ...you can't stop squinting as you walk around your house.
-
- ...you think you can actually walk through walls.
-
- ...you start making chainsaw noises if you hear a strange noise.
-
- ...you wish you had a chainsaw, just in case.
-
- ...you buy a radiation suit and Infra-red goggles, just in case.
-
- [1-6]: DOOM: Opening a door to hell
- ===================================
-
- Written by: Charlie Ray (exuchar@exu.ericsson.se)
-
- DISCLAIMER:
-
- Riffing concept borrowed from Mystery Science Theater 3000 which is the
- property of Best Brains, Inc, which had nothing to do with this post.
- DOOM and its characters are borrowed from id, which also had nothing to do
- with this post. This post is meant for entertainment purposes only and
- is not intended as a personal attack on Jerry Falwell, Nancy Reagan, Ted
- Kennedy or Mr. Ed (well, maybe a personal attack against Jerry Falwell).
- Floss daily. Always look both ways before crossing the street.
-
- With all due respect and apologies to id and Mystery Science
- Theater 3000, I humbly present the following.
-
-
- SCENE: The Shores of Hell, Command Center, the Marine is engaged in a
- rocket battle with a Baron of Hell when an imp runs in carrying
- a piece of paper.
-
- Imp: Hey you guys, cool it. You've got to see this.
-
- [Marine and Baron stop shooting and walk over to the imp]
-
- Baron: What do you want.
- Marine: This better be good.
- Imp: Bite me. Just read this.
-
- > From: An innocent DOOM player
- > Subject: Doom : Opening a Door to Hell
- > Date: Tue, 15 Mar 1994 09:54:26 GMT
-
- > This is a warning to all players of the game DOOM! I played the game one
- > Friday night
-
- Imp: Just one?
- Marine: What great self control.
- Baron: What a great self abuser is more like it.
-
- > recently and after playing for approximately 15 minutes I was attacked by
- > demons.
-
- Marine: You played for 15 minutes before you were attacked by a demon!!??
- What level where you playing on... please don't hurt me I'm a wuss??
- Baron: Pretty much.
-
- > And I don't mean the demons in the game; I'm talking about angels of Satan.
-
- Marine: ..the hell?? Angels of Satan?? Isn't that kind of like good
- samaritans of the IRS?
- Imp: Is he talking about us?
- Baron: Bite me, I'm nobody's angel.
-
- > DOOM is a virtual reality game, like Wolf 3-D, and is capable of drawing
- > people in and holding them captive; thus making them very susceptible to
- > the kind of attack I experienced on Friday night.
-
- Marine: I think cheap booze makes people susceptible to the kind of attack
- you experienced.
- Imp: Yeah, that Mad Dog will have you seeing "Angels of Satan" in no time.
-
- > To those of you taking this warning seriously;
-
- Baron: Both of you.
-
- > watch out for attacks by the following demons :
-
- Baron: Jerry Falwell
- Marine: Nancy Reagan
- Imp: Ted Kennedy
- Baron: Mr. Ed
- I&M: Huh!!??
- Baron: Well I'm sorry, but I always thought there was something a little
- evil about a talking horse.
-
- > Fear, Addiction, Aggression, and Frustration. These are the ones that
- > attacked me.
-
- Imp: War, pestilence, famine and death merely stood by and egged them on.
-
- > My advice is this : ERASE THESE GAMES NOW!!!!
-
- Marine: My advice is : You should really just relax.
-
- > A further warning;
-
- Baron: Always remember to wear clean underwear in case you're ever
- attacked by a spectre.
- Imp: Never stand beside a barrel when engaged in a duel with 20
- former sergeants.
-
- > from episode two upwards, take a look at the walls and the
- > floors where you walk.
-
- Marine: <tour guide voice> If you'll look to your left you'll see the stains
- left from when I toasted three spectres with just a chainsaw and 15%
- health. And up ahead we have the famous room of lost souls where I
- once...
- Baron: Shut up.
-
- > Notice anything;
-
- Marine: Dead bodies.
- Imp: Blood.
- Baron: Ammunition.
- Marine: Acid pools.
- Baron: Small pieces of bread.
-
- > pentagrams, goats heads and other satanic symbols. The game is full of them!
-
- Baron: You say that like it's a bad thing.
-
- > That's all I have to say; please take it seriously!
-
- > --An innocent DOOM player
-
- Imp: There's something I don't understand about this rant. If he
- only played for 15 minutes how did he know about all of the stuff
- from episode two upwards?
- Marine: Well, he never actually said he stopped playing after 15 minutes;
- just that he was attacked by demons after 15 minutes.
- Baron: Yeah, maybe he was so deep into the game he was able to shut out
- all the distractions.
- Imp: Okay, it's a stretch, but it's some sort of explanation.
- However, explain for me, if you can, why he even bothered to
- start the game if he's so upset by demonic symbols. It's obvious
- from the readme file...
- Baron: Like anyone that clueless is going to check the readme file.
- Imp: ..or the FAQ...
- Marine: Ditto.
- Imp: ..that the game is full of demons, lost souls, barons of hell and
- other minions of the deep.
- Marine: Not to mention the fact the episodes are titled "Knee-deep in the
- Dead", "The Shores of Hell" and "Inferno".
- Baron: And the title screen has several images of less than pleasant things.
- Imp: Exactly. If you haven't figured out by the time you start the
- game that it's not for the faint of heart then you're really too
- stupid to live.
- Baron: Pretty much.
- Marine: You know, there's another possible explanation to this post.
- Baron: And what pray tell might that be?
- Marine: It could be a staged protest in order to create controversy over
- the game which would lead to more publicity.
- Imp: You mean like when Reverend Wildmon picketed against "The Last
- Temptation of Christ"...
- Baron: ...or the death threats against Salman Rushdie.
- Marine: Exactly. By telling people that they shouldn't do something you
- immediately perk up their interest in doing that thing.
- Baron: But, all of the cool people already know that Doom is the hottest
- thing going.
- Marine: Yes, but when the commercial version comes out there will be a
- whole bunch of people going into the local software store trying
- to decide between "Leisure Suit Larry XXVII" and "Yet Even More
- Obnoxious Lemmings". If they haven't heard of Doom they probably
- won't buy it.
- Imp: Good point. We should encourage the unwashed masses to buy
- Doom so the guys at id will make buckets of money and be
- encouraged to continue writing games.
- Marine: Precisely.
- Baron: Well, thanks for the info.
- Imp: No problem. [imp leaves the room]
-
- Baron: You realize of course I'm going to have to kill you now.
- Marine: Bite me, big boy.
-
- [Marine fires rocket, all hell breaks loose again, fade to black, screams
- in the background.]
-
- --------------------------
- CHAPTER [2]: Top Ten Lists
- --------------------------
-
- Here, humorous top ten lists regarding DOOM are written.
- Actually, this is a lie. Some of the lists have more than ten things.
- However, for the sake of simplicity, I call them top ten lists.
-
- [2-1]: Top Ten Things to Do While Waiting for DOOM
- ==================================================
- FOREWORD: This was posted on America Online, by someone
- using the name "Wolkonsky" on August 27, 1993.
-
- ----------
- Well, here we are waiting another 2-3 months [for DOOM]. What else
- can we do?
-
- 1) Search the Internet for Beta Version.
- 2) See if we can go through Wolfenstein 3-D with our eyes closed.
- 3) Use MapEdit/WolfEdit to make Wolfenstein 3-D "look like" DOOM.
- 4) Find out where the id "lab" is and "encourage" them.
- 5) Watch the new 90210 episode!
- 6) See if Blake Stone or Rampage will be any good.
- 7) Upload the Lemmings Demo as "DOOM10.ZIP" and see what happens.
- 8) Get girlfriends and drop them on 12/10/93, unless they like DOOM and
- have a computer with a modem.
- 9) Or lastly, look at DOOM slides and "pretend" we are playing.
- ----------
-
- [2-2]: Top Ten Things To Do Until DOOM Arrives
- ==============================================
- FOREWORD: This was posted on America Online, by someone
- using the name "ScottBro" on October 7, 1993.
-
- ----------
- Top 10 Things To Do
- Until DOOM arrives
-
- 10. Get a marker and change boxes of George Lucas's "LOOM" to "DOOM" to
- confuse over-anxious gamers.
- 9. Issue bogus press release from the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientist,
- saying the DOOMsday clock will strike midnight sometime before
- September 30, 1993.
- 8. Get a date with someone from L7.
- 7. When feeling depressed due to the wait, chant the B.J. Blaskowitz mantra,
- "This is my rifle, This is my gun,
- This is for killing, this is for fun.
- 6. Memorize the July Computer Gaming World, pages 104-5, preview of DOOM.
- 5. Get network and sound card installed on all systems at the office.
- 4. Make DOOM acronyms, like
- "Dantes Obsessive Outrageous Marauders"
- 3. Tell boss I'll need two weeks vacation on very short notice during the
- third quarter, due to pending family crisis.
- 2. Figure a way to persuade Id to allow imports of faces on monsters, so
- we can make creatures like the:
- Sunnunu Bloated Beast, the Michael Bolton Shrieker, and the Ex-Wife
- from Hell, where she belongs.
- 1. Try and make friends with the Big Blue guys from Wolfie;
- We might need help this time.
- ----------
-
- [2-3]: Top Ten Things Being Removed From DOOM During Delay
- ==========================================================
- FOREWORD: This was posted on America Online, by someone
- using the name "Wolkonsky" on August 31, 1993.
-
- ----------
- The DOOM Delay of `93 might be worse than we first thought! Here is
- a list of things that I heard were being taken out of DOOM.
-
- 1) Socks the Cat
- 2) Cameo by the Mario Brothers (you thought the Pac-Man Ghosts were bad)
- 3) The "Shawngreen" monster in level 3 (too scary, it went around screaming
- "Its not done yet! Not yet!")
- 4) Cindy Crawford workout in level 4
- 5) Vanilla Ice-Amy Grant theme song
- 6) "Fun with Barney" puzzle in level 2
- 7) Pin Up GIF of Sally Struthers.
- 8) "John 3:15" : various locations
- 9) "Bulges" in monsters groin area
- AND FINALLY,
- 10) The Bathroom Scenes.
- ----------
-
- [2-4]: Top Ten Reasons DOOM Was Delayed
- =======================================
- FOREWORD: This was posted by an unknown source at an unknown
- location, on September 21, 1993. If you know who the writer is, please
- send me some E-mail so I can give appropriate credit.
-
- ----------
- The following is intended to be humorous, with no ill intent
- whatsoever. I hope everyone takes it in the spirit it is given. ;)
-
- DAVE: "I have in my hand here tonight's Top 10 List from the
- home office in Sioux City, Iowa. Actually, it's a Top 15."
-
- (show the special graphics)
-
- DAVE: "Them special effects is fantastic!" (grin) "Tonight's category is:
- Top 15 reasons DOOM's release was delayed to December 10th. Here we
- go..."
-
- 15. Added near death sequence when player is shot full of holes.
-
- 14. Added networking capability via spaghetti noodles.
-
- 13. "If Origin can do it, so can we."
-
- 12. They want to ensure it won't run under Windows.
-
- 11. Currently using DOOM as negotiating tool to get Ukraine to give up nukes.
-
- 10. Fighting lawsuit from Apogee claiming DOOM is their 'intellectual
- property'. (for those Letterman fans)
-
- 9. They want to increase fourth quarter earnings.
-
- 8. The bosses wife wants to 'redecorate' the levels.
-
- 7. They want to make a politically correct version.
-
- 6. id aspires to be the next Microsoft.
-
- 5. NASA lost the source code.
-
- 4. Bill's waiting for Hillary's permission to release game. (oops,
- sorry, that's the Health Care Reform Package)
-
- 3. John's dog ate his computer.
-
- 2. Ran out of bug spray.
-
- DAVE: "And the number one reason DOOM's release was delayed..."
-
- 1. They want the game's release to be just in time for Christmas shopping.
- ----------
-
- [2-3]: Top Twenty Comments Made After DOOM's Release
- ====================================================
- FOREWORD: This dream was posted by Michael Pemberton on Usenet in
- the group comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Saturday, December 11, 1993.
-
- ----------
- For those of you who just don't have the time to read the voluminous
- number of postings which are destined to appear about DOOM over the next two
- weeks or so, I offer the following list which should summarize the gist of
- those postings. Out of courtesy to others, I suggest that posters review
- this list, include the appropriate number in their subject headers, and allow
- others to select the postings they wish to read with some foreknowledge of
- their contents.
-
- Those who wish to add to this list may do so; if interest continues, I will
- post updated versions for the convenience of all.
-
- 1) DOOM is the greatest, bitchenest, most radical game of all time. I
- loved it. I've played it for forty hours non-stop, only stopping for
- periodic caffeine breaks, and I plan to play it for at least forty hours
- more before collapsing into a quivering mass of protoplasm. Go DOOM! Go
- DOOM! Yaaaaaaaaaay!
-
- 2) DOOM sucks! Heehh-heeeh. Heehhh-heeeeh. Heehh-heeh.
-
- 3) Hey, ID! When you said that you were going to get DOOM out on the
- 10th, everyone thought that meant it would show up on sites at 12:01 AM.
- If you knew there was going to be a delay, why didn't you have the courtesy
- to tell us?
-
- 4) When is DOOM II coming out?
-
- 5) What's DOOM?
-
- 6) Everyone's talking about this DOOM thing, but I can't find it on my
- site anywhere. I even tried the 127.0.0.1 site that someone recommended,
- but it's not there either. What gives?
-
- 7) When I tried running DOOM on my IBM XT, it wouldn't play. Is this a
- bug?
-
- 8) DOOM's not so hot because [choose one]: (a) The graphics are too dark,
- (b) it's too slow on my AT, (c) it's too fast on my Pentium/66, (d) it's
- too bloody and violent, (e) it's not bloody and violent enough, (f) it's
- too hard to set up, (g) it takes too much memory to run, (h) there should
- be a lot more weapons available early in the game, (i) Duke Nukem II is a
- lot more fun.
-
- 9) Compared to DOOM, Blake Stone is a wimpy piece of crap.
-
- 10) Compared to Blake Stone; DOOM is a wimpy piece of crap.
-
- 11) Anyone wonder how much money ID is going to make off this game?
-
- 12) What's the big deal? DOOM is just a rehash of Wolfenstein, and I got
- tired of playing that weeks ago.
-
- 13) Hey, I played DOOM for about 80 hours over the last couple of weeks
- and I'm giving copies of it to all my relatives for Christmas, but I'm not
- going to BUY it from ID because [choose one]: (a) ID's making too much
- money anyway, (b) forty dollars is way out of line for a game like this,
- (c) I couldn't figure out how to get into that area with the blue face, and
- I don't think games should be this hard, (d) what good is a game you can
- only play for a few hundred hours?, (e) I can get it from that computer
- geek down the hall for free anyway.
-
- 14) Would someone post a map showing all the secret areas in DOOM?
-
- 15) Would someone uuencode DOOM and post it here?
-
- 16) Where are the rockets, chainguns, armor enhancers, medkits, ammo
- boxes, [you name it] in the [name an area]?
-
- 17) What are the cheat keys for the shareware version of DOOM?
-
- 18) What do you mean there are no cheat keys for the shareware version of
- DOOM? I think that ID shows a real lack of respect for its potential
- customers by taking out the shareware cheat keys.
-
- 19) DOOM was way overhyped.
-
- 20) DOOM lived up to its publicity and our expectations.
-
- 21) There I was, playing DOOM, and suddenly I was dropped out of the game
- with an "Out of hunk" error. What sloppy programming!
-
- 22) Shame on ID for releasing a game that is still so full of bugs (even
- though I haven't found any yet)! They're as bad as Origin!
-
- 23) A hearty thanks to Hank Leukart, Jay Wilbur, and everyone else at ID
- for being so supportive and tolerant of sometimes-whiney, sometimes-
- impatient, but almost always appreciative gameplayers (like me) who love to
- see excellent games like this one succeed.
- ----------
-
- ------------------------
- CHAPTER [3]: DOOM R.E.M.
- ------------------------
-
- David Reeve Sward suggested that I add a section in the FAQ
- for people who have been dreaming about DOOM while sleeping. I told him
- it was crazy until three people posted messages about having "DOOM Dreams."
- Here they are, pixelated and all!
-
- [3-1]: Pixelated Demons
- =======================
- FOREWORD: This dream was posted by David Reeve Sward on Usenet in
- the group comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Tuesday, November 2, 1993.
-
- ----------
- A few days ago I awoke in the middle of a dream about DOOM...! I was
- firing the shotgun at a pixelated (yes, my dream was pixelated) demon
- when my alarm clock went off (well, it turned the radio on :). Haven't
- seen any alpha or beta version, only the screen shots. Time to schedule
- an appointment with a local shrink...
-
- I can't imagine what shape I'll be in once the game is actually released :).
- ----------
-
- [3-2]: The Mythical Beta Releases
- =================================
- FOREWORD: This dream was posted by Christopher Johnson on Usenet in
- the group comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Tuesday, November 2, 1993.
-
- ----------
- Strange enough, I had a dream about DOOM last evening, too. I dreamt that I
- had found the mythical beta release version lying around on a FTP site,
- downloaded it, and actually got to play it before anyone else. Now, I know
- I could just do this anyways, but I have too many morals.
- What are you doing to us, Jay, now we're DREAMING about getting
- DOOM... SIGH..
- ---------
-
- [3-3]: You Don't Take Mastercard?!
- ==================================
- FOREWORD: This dream was posted from szwells@hamlet.ucdavis.edu
- on Usenet in the group comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Tuesday,
- November 2, 1993.
-
- ----------
- While you all were dreaming, I was having some serious nightmares.
- DOOM was released early and I went down to buy it ASAP. When I opened my
- wallet, it was empty. And they wouldn't accept credit or personal checks...
- I spent the rest of the night trying to scrounge up the cash to buy it.
- It was not a pretty sight!
- ----------
-